Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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