i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
