it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
