Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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