I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
