You're so nebulous sometimes
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
