If that was your dad, he is hot
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
