Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
