That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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