I think I am morally bankrupt
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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