Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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