Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
soo... how was my night?
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