i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
