I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
