i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
