Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
