A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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