just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
