I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
