I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize