so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
