You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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