i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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