do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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