I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize