When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
