Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
