Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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