I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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