My hand turned me down
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
