im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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