We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
