she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
