I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
