We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
