U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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