i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
