Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize