"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
