Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
