Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
