I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
