you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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