My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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