My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
