if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
