if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
