If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
