every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize