I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
