Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
