I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
