so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
