I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize