ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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