im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
