God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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