i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
