I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
