a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
