Welp...herpes.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
