I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
