i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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