Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
