I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
be right there i have to get my cape
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
