I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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