Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
