what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
