i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
