No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
