YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
