I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
