remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
