it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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